Harnessing bazongas

“You know it’s a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.”
I am part of the generation of women who burned our bras to our mothers’ cries of “Your breasts will sag when you get older if you don’t wear a bra while you’re young.” The end result was that I couldn’t go bra-less without “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” playing in my head.
I resent spending money on bras, but I do. I have to. There was a time when I could contain the boobage with a cheap bra, but that time passed sometime in my 30’s.  I’m nowhere close to the Guiness record for the biggest breast (56 lbs) or the biggest bra (48-V), but I no longer make A’s in the chest category.
The goal today is to find a couple of bras and throw away a couple of the depleted elastic, snaggled hook bras that I am still wearing.  I think I’m going to look for a sports bra  At my size, that’s a little iffy.  Some styles give me the uni-boob look which is never attractive. 
I need to get measured for the new bras.  That’s never fun and generally embarrassing.  But considering that 8 out of 10 women wear the wrong bra size (that’s according to the brochure in Dillard’s fine lingerie department), I will forgo the modesty and give the certified professional bra specialist something to do.  
(Doesn’t that make you think?  What kind of person becomes a certified professional bra specialistWho do you think certifies these specialists?  What kind of test do you think they take?  Do you think it’s a lifetime certification or has to be renewed when bra technology improves?  It does make  you wonder.)
The first patent for a bra was given to a woman.  Mary Phelps Jacob sold her design for a bra which

Phelps’ design sold 3 years later for $15 million

used 2 silk hankies detailed with baby ribbon in 1914 for $1,500.  She used the name Caresse Crosby which is considerably more romantic sounding than her own name. 

Her design was a considerable improvement over the bra styles that women wore prior to 1914.   I think the bra design would have been streamlined and modified in the 18th century if manziers had been the required attire.
It’s been over 100 degrees in south Texas this week and I can’t imagine trying to holster the girls in something like this.

Today, patents have been issued for bras that can detect radiation in case of a nuclear attack, identify breast cancer, and monitor your heart.  There’s even a patent for a bra that emits an odor that kills the desire to smoke.  That seems weirdly creepy but interesting.

However much I might dislike spending the money on these darn bras,  I won’t spend nearly as much as Victoria’s Secret spent for the 2010 Fantasy bra.  With 60 carats of diamonds and 82 carats of sapphires, it cost $2 mil.
That makes my bra budget seem like a 32-A even if my bra size isn’t.

About texasgaga

I am a mom, a grandmom (Gaga to my 2nd oldest grand-child), a sister, a friend, a construction estimator, a homeowner, an active member of a 12 step recovery group, an artist, a reader, a survivor, a do it yourself wannabe, a laugher
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