Hi. I am guest blooging for Margaret.
That’s the word right? Blooging? Oh. Blogging!
I’m guest BLOGGING for Margaret. She’s been using me and 70 of my close friends to catch fish. They aren’t biting.
The Boyfriend says that they will leave when they run out of shrimp so Margaret’s making time on the water last by doing a photo shoot.
Like this pose?
It’s my Sexy Beast pose. I try. There’s not much to look pretty for. Just sitting in the box at HEB, chilling. Hard not to chill when the thermostat is 30 degrees. But I try to keep a positive attitude.
You know, we shrimp are an interesting group. People like us. They spent $3 million dollars to study shrimp body building.
Everything was going great until those old folks at AARP blew the whistle on Shrimp on a Treadmill. That’s what we called it. Turns out we shrimp really like working out on a treadmill. National Science Foundation called it Impaired Metabolism and Performance in Crustaceans Exposed to Bacteria. We shrimp were signing our eggs up for the Treadmill research while they were still in the saddle.
Until they outed us on national TV.
“If Congress really wants to balance the budget, they could stop spending our money on things like a cotton institute in Brazil, poetry at zoos, treadmills for shrimp…” Blah, blah, blah. It was better than that USDA study about how far flightless Mormon crickets could walk in a day. They attached little teeny transmitters to the crickets and tracked them through Colorado grasslands. Turns out those 2″ crickets could walk nearly two miles. They could have walked further if someone had spiked their little teeny Camelbaks with Pepsi.
That’s enough for politics. It’s enough to make my blood boil. If I had blood.
We could move on to religion.
Did you know that eating us shrimp is forbidden by God? Really. I recommend that for the good of your immortal souls that you rethink the red sauce. I don’t want to Bible thump. I could be a Bible thumper if they had added weight training to the treadmill work. But the Bible says: These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat: And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you. (Deuteromony 14:9-10)
I added the emphasis in case you didn’t get the point. That would be me. No scales; just a carapace. No fins; just a pleopoda. So, step away from the cast net and leave us shrimp alone.
The oysters can take care of themselves. They have tough shells. They never open up to me anyway.